I’ve been around the block so many times that it’d be safe to say I’ve circled the globe at least twice in my quest for sexual satisfaction. When I was younger (I’m 44 now), I was insecure about my body and how men felt about me in general. I was also afraid to tell my partners my feelings or what I wanted them to do to me in bed out of fear of being judged. It took me a long time and a lot of practice to feel confident in my abilities to please others and to learn my body and what made me feel good.
Over the years, I’ve become quite the “sexpert”: All the wiser for my wear and more than willing to share what I’ve learned with you! Here are a few of my tried and true tips to spice up your sex life for the new year – use one, or two, combine three, four or more – it’s all up to you!
#1. Watch a Sexy Movie Together – Let her choose it though. That way she feels she’s in control and you’re not pushing her into watching your sick and twisted fantasies. Plus you’ll both pick up ideas to incorporate into your own lovemaking sessions. (And it’s also a good way to introduce her to Tip #13)
#2. Masturbate in Front of Each Other – And masturbate each other. Nothing’s hotter than watching your partner get off. There’s no better way for you learn what your mate likes having done to them than by seeing them do it to themselves. Then you give it a try.
#3. Talk Dirty – Tell your partner what you want done to you sexually, and what you intend on doing to them. It helps break the ice, plus you end up letting that person know up front what you like in bed. (Use in conjunction with Tip #2)
#4. Role Play – Whether it’s meeting at a random bar and pretending you don’t know each other; you’re the master and she’s the slave; or you’re an intruder, she’s sleeping and you break in and overpower her… it’s good to play around and be other people in the bedroom. Both men and women like variety and this is a good way to satisfy that craving without leaving the relationship.
#5. Dress Up – Throw on a wig and be someone else for a night. Dressing up in lingerie is good too. It doesn’t have to be expensive to get the point across. Or, be adventurous and don a nurse’s uniform or a French maid’s outfit. Getting into character helps you act out your suppressed fantasies. (This works well with Tip #4)
#6. Try a New Position – If you’re a missionary girl, go for it doggy style. If you’re the type who spoons, get on top. Switch it up. Don’t always do the same position over and over. Your partner starts anticipating a specific routine in bed and that takes the fun and spontaneity out of your lovemaking.
#7. Give Massages – Make it a ritual to rub one another every night. It doesn’t need to be a full-blown massage, but it’s important for your partner to feel your touch. Especially if one or both of you has had a hard day. Plus, touching leads to sex!
#8. Plan a Date Night Once a Week – It’s easy to fall into a routine or get bogged down by your daily rituals, especially if you have kids or a demanding job or schedule. You need to plan one night a week to make your partner feel as important as the other things you spend time on.
#9. Do It Outside Your Comfort Zone – Whether you try it with the lights on, in public, or if you have kids; go for it in the closet, bathroom, attic or basement. Banging in hidden and forbidden places heightens the risk factor and creates an adrenaline filled experience.
#10. Experiment with Toys – Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, bullets, cock rings, nipple clamps, lubes, whips… there are so many choices of sex aid. My advice is to check out the AdamAndEve.com website and pick something out together. Type in the promo code: SAM at checkout for 50% off most items, Free S&H, 3 Free DVD’s and an extra sexy gift.
#11. Use Food – As an aphrodisiac or a sex aid. Food can be used to stimulate your libido (consuming oysters, asparagus, bananas, garlic, chocolate, caviar and champagne), or to lick off your partner’s body (whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey, frozen ice pops and ice cubes).
#12. Restraints – Control seems to play a big role in relationships. Whether you use silk ties, fuzzy cuffs or the real things, it’s nice sometimes to switch up the balance of power, and give up yours. If you’re really adventurous, use a blindfold and a ball gag to create the full effect.
#13. Try a Threesome – If it’s her idea. And don’t use her friend! Someone always ends up crying with hurt feelings: like your girlfriend. My suggestion, hire someone. You pay them to walk away at the end with no drama. (Tip #1 works well as a warm up to this idea)
#14. Install a Stripper Pole – Or take pole-dancing lessons. Face it ladies, guys love strippers. What better way to keep him out of the clubs then by learning the tricks of the trade and becoming his own private dancer?
#15. Bear Gifts – Get Blowjobs! Girls love getting presents, the bigger the trinket and the better the reward you’ll get. Just letting you guys know we like incentive to show you how grateful we are.
#16. Give Up the Ass – If it’s the one thing you’ve been holding out on, use it for leverage. It’s a good bartering tool (ie: I’ll give up my ass, if you’ll… fill in the blank).
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